Jul 04

Episode 28 Help! I Need Somebody!: Showing Love with Acts of Service

Play

5-love-languages

It’s time. It’s time to learn how to love your spouse.

We all think we know how to love, show love, give love, but do we really?

More often than not, we show love to others with how we like to receive love. Some, like Trey, like to get gifts so therefore it makes sense to him to give gifts to those as an act of love. I like to serve and be served, therefore I do acts of service to others. But what if that is not their way they like to receive love?

Today we discuss love language number 4: Acts of Service

How helping your spouse can get you the best results ever expected!

Jun 21

Episode 27 This is For You: Loving Through Gift Giving

Play

5-love-languages

It’s time. It’s time to learn how to love your spouse.

We all think we know how to love, show love, give love, but do we really?

More often than not, we show love to others with how we like to receive love. Some, like Trey, like to get gifts so therefore it makes sense to him to give gifts to those as an act of love. I like to serve and be served, therefore I do acts of service to others. But what if that is not their way they like to receive love?

Today we discuss love language number 3: Receiving of Gifts

Do you have a hard time buying a gift for your spouse? Do you think gift giving is a waste of money?

Join us today to find out how you are wrong and the importance of gift giving.

 

Jun 14

Episode 26 Take a Seat: Spending Quality Time with your Spouse

Play

5-love-languages

It’s time. It’s time to learn how to love your spouse.

We all think we know how to love, show love, give love, but do we really?

More often than not, we show love to others with how we like to receive love. Some, like Trey, like to get gifts so therefore it makes sense to him to give gifts to those as an act of love. I like to serve and be served, therefore I do acts of service to others. But what if that is not their way they like to receive love?

Today we discuss love language number 2: Quality Time

Do you know what it means to truly spend quality time with your spouse?

Listen today to find out how!

Jun 07

Hug, Please!: Overcoming the Fear of Affection.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hugs

Disclaimer: Today we are doing something different. We will pick up with where we left off with our Love Languages podcast series next week. This is a blog I wrote for The Family Podcast Network that I felt was very fitting with our Love Languages topic. Enjoy and be back with you next week!

 

What!?!? Fear of affection? Parents don’t have fear of affection. Well, granted that may of been a little bit of an embellishment, but for some of us affection is not on the top of our list.

Let’s start at the beginning.

Cora just turned 3. Out of all our children so far, she has been the most challenging for me. She is our boundary pusher. You know the type. 

 

Me: ‘Cora, please don’t touch that.’

Cora: Looks at me, then the object, not sure what she has decided to do yet.

Me: ‘Baby, would you please not touch that!?’

Cora: Looks as me, then object, then slowly walks over to object which then she decides to touch.

Me: ‘CORA!!!!’

We won’t even start on all the things I did wrong in that conversation, but I set it up for you so you could see what she is like. If I believed in a ‘strong willed child’ she is what I would call one.

So, all that being said, she’s is a little more taxing than the other 3. However, she is also one of the more affectionate. She is the one that is continually coming up to me stating ‘hug, please?’  It seems ludicrous that those could go hand in hand. So called rebelliousness with affection. Hmmmmm. But for her it does. 

So why not just hug her? Well, that is the million dollar question. It’s just hard for me to be an affectionate person. I am what is often referred to as a ‘thinker.’ Typically my love languages are acts of service, I like to do things for people. I like using my hands. Building things. Cleaning things. Sewing. On and on. ‘Feelers’ typically like hearing and speaking kind words or words of affection. They like hugs and kisses and hand holding. For me, stuff that I find annoying. Yes, annoying.

Affection annoys me.

But I’m not all heart of stone. Often when I am sick or very upset, that is when I am the most affectionate. It’s in there, it’s just not the first thing I often turn to. And I truly love to hug and kiss and love on my kids, but there is just that point that it gets too much. And Cora finds that point every. single. day.

You know, the only other way I know to put it is that its awkward. I know that seems unusual or strange, but it is. It is also hard on me because I feel that it is often done in an attempt to avoid what is being asked of her. Or to postpone an activity. 

Whatever may be the reason for it, she wouldn’t ask for it if she didn’t like it. I can already hear some of you saying, ‘YES SHE WOULD! If it got her out of having to do something she doesn’t like, it would!’ But I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. Anna, my oldest, never uses hugs to get out of helping around the house. Grant never wants kisses just so he won’t have to pick up dirty clothes. It is obvious that not only does Cora like hugs, I dare say she needs them.

I decided today that I was going to embellish her with more hugs. Every time she asks, I will hug her. And I have. And it has not been my favorite.

Now before you get out the pitchforks, gimme a minute. I truly do love to hug my kids. Seriously. When I run into a problem is when it feels as if it is every single second that she is asking. Most the time, she crawls into my lap, manages to hit my bottom jaw with her head, dig her knee into my breast, her heel digs into my thigh and her feet are always cold because she refuses to wear socks. It makes me irrationally angry. Then, her breath always seems bad, she gets 8mm away from my face and then asks for a hug. And today, we did just that.

So I, in all my mommy brilliance, decided that every time she hugs me I would squeeze her as tight as I could without damaging anything. My hopes were twofold; one that she would receive the satisfaction of a hug and two that it would be moderately uncomfortable and she would want me to stop and possibly not ask quite so often.

Remember, be kind, we are painfully honest here on FPN and this was how I was reacting to my daughters need for affection. I’m not saying it’s mature or right, but it’s what I was feeling and how I was handling it.

Back on subject, a strange thing happened. Cora liked it. She liked that I hugged her tight. She didn’t move. I would ask if it was too tight and she would shake her head ‘no’. I would ask if she would like for me to let go and she would shake her head ‘no’. And then something else happened. She came back more for hugs.

DANGIT! I was trying to get the opposite reaction!

Then I got to thinking as my rational side was beginning to surface. My daughter is so desperate for affection from her mother, she is willing to be uncomfortable if it means that mommy is hugging her.

 
I just got choked up writing that.
 

Wow. If that’s not a slap in the face. O. U. C. H.

So where else in my chidrens’ life am I avoiding what they are asking of me? Is there more? I ask this because it has really caused me to reflect on how I am as a parent.

If I only parent how I am comfortable, I am not meeting all the needs of my children. Period. 

Our children all have different ways, much like our spouses, that they need to be loved. Anna loves bugs and science and dinosaurs. If I tell the kids that the only activities we would do are ones that Anna likes, Cora and Grant are going to feel pretty left out. Or if we only watch preschool tv and play with baby Charlotte’s toys, the older kids are going to get pretty restless pretty fast. 

This transfers very well into how we deeply love our children as well. Cora loves to receive hugs and help with dishes. Anna likes to help with the baby. Grant likes to be told how awesome he is! They all require something differently. 

I am pretty sure Cora has never felt more loved than today. And you know what, her ‘strong willed’ spirit has been much calmer as well. Truly. 

Even though it was tough for me, it is growing me as a parent and a person.

So since I am giving them freely, who needs a hug!?

Hug1

 

 

May 30

Episode 25 What’d You Say to Me?: Words of Affirmation

Play

5-love-languages It’s time. It’s time to learn how to love your spouse.

We all think we know how to love, show love, give love, but do we really?

More often than not, we show love to others with how we like to receive love. Some, like Trey, like to get gifts so therefore it makes sense to him to give gifts to those as an act of love. I like to serve and be served, therefore I do acts of service to others. But what if that is not their way they like to receive love?

Today we discuss love language number 1: Words of Affirmation

Do you know how to talk to your spouse? Do you know exactly what he needs to hear and how?

Listen today to find out how!

May 24

Episode 24 What Language is That?: Intro to the 5 Love Languages

Play

5-love-languages It’s time. It’s time to learn how to love your spouse.

We all think we know how to love, show love, give love, but do we really?

More often than not, we show love to others with how we like to receive love. Some, like Trey, like to get gifts so therefore it makes sense to him to give gifts to those as an act of love. I like to serve and be served, therefore I do acts of service to others. But what if that is not their way they like to receive love?

Today we will discuss what exactly are the 5 love languages and why they are so important.

We will also discuss what are primary and secondary languages.

With the right tools and right ways to love your spouse, it will revolutionize your marriage.

 

May 10

Episode 23 Respect My Authoritah!: Putting Your Spouse in their Place Part II

Play

lips

 

What thoughts are your first when you look at this picture?

Since our topic today is over submission and authority, this was one of my first thoughts. A woman, submitting to a man. A ‘sit down and shut up’ type scenario. Yikes! Is that how it is supposed to be? Is submission all about putting your spouse in their place?

Today we will discuss our thoughts on submission, which might surprise you.

-What is submission

-Should a wife submit to her husband?

-Should a husband submit to his wife?

These are just a tip of the iceberg of questions that we will tackle in this podcast.

 

SHOW NOTES

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts - the book Corrie and Trey mention during the show.  Go get it!  It’s that good.

Apr 25

Do You Mind?: How to Make Your Spouse Do What You Want.

I hate taking out the trash. Haaaaaaaaaaate. Like, I will let it pile up until it is a work of art to make it stay in the trash can. I remember ‘The Simpson’s’ episode many years back. The rule of the house was whoever placed the piece of trash that finally falls off the pile created on top of the trash can must take it out. I live by that rule.

trash

I say all that because the trash is a responsibility I graciously handed over to Trey. Heh. Several years ago, my graciousness was given in the way of ‘boy, that trash sure needs to be taken out.’ Or maybe ‘that is really starting to stink.’ But, like many men, not trying to stereotype but it’s just true, he never noticed. He, too, just piled on the trash. I would get so angry and eventually lash out with a speech that was something along the lines of how I do everything around the house and his one task was taking out the trash. True story. Looking back, it was so dramatic it’s comical. I played martyr about the freaking trash.

Sometimes I would get so fed up I would take the trash out in a very dramatic fashion. I would fight with the trash can trying to get the trash bag out. Inevitably the trash would leak on the way to the door. I would slam the door on the way out and in. I would then grab some soapy water and a rag and scrub the floor on my hands in knees in a very Cinderella like fashion grumbling the whole time while Trey sat in blissful ignorance to the drama occurring around him. 

So, what was wrong with this picture? Who was at fault here?

Truly, it was me. To be quite honest, I was trying to manipulate Trey into doing what I wanted through coercion, excessive drama, anger, passive aggressiveness.

How often do we do this as spouses, partners, parents? There is a task that we want performed. We complain, we hint, we yell, we punish. But do we ever actually ask…….?

Over at our other podcast, The Family Podcast Network, we talk about the best way for our children to do/act the way we desire them to is to do it ourselves. Lead by example. So how does this cross over into our marriage? Does it mean we have to take out the trash. Well, not exactly. But what I can tell you doesn’t work!

So, whatever happen to just asking?  ‘Babe, the trash is disgusting and all I have done is work on this house. All I am asking is for you to do one thing!!!!!!!!’ Nope, that’s not going to do it. That is still manipulation through passive aggression. You spouse could very well interpret this as a ‘I think you are extraordinarily lazy and I am going to have to treat you like your mamma did!’ Ok, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but you get the idea.

So what is the key on how to make your spouse do what you want? Kindness. 

Yep, there it is. Maybe with a sprinkle of patience as well. Now when Trey comes home, I simply ask ‘babe, would you be willing to take out the trash, please?’ And guess what? HE DOES! I just got my spouse to do what I want! Bam!

Now, one thing I have to remember with Trey is that I cannot overload him with requests, nor can I always expect him to remember. Example: ‘Can you please get the trash, put in a new trash bag, change the baby’s diaper and get me a new roll of paper towels?’ Now, more than likely, he will remember the trash, but it stops there. It’s not because Trey is being a jerk, or ignoring me. It is simply because he just doesn’t remember. You have to know your spouse. I’m a multitasker. I can remember/do many things at once. But it is unfair of me to expect everyone else to be exactly like me and even more unfair to get upset when they are not. In fact, it’s selfish.

cleaning-staff1-300x200

So, what have we learned?

Number One: ASK! Don’t manipulate, control, be passive aggressive or angry. This is a partnership, not a parent/child relationship.

Number Two: Know your spouse. Do they hate taking out the trash? Maybe that’s a task you can preform but possibly ask them to change a poop diaper or scrub the toilet, you get the idea. Also, know what your spouses limits are and don’t exceed them. I don’t mean this in a ‘well, my spouse is a lazy butt so now I have to do everything?!’ This is more of a Trey situation. Possibly ask just one task at a time.

Number Three: Don’t be bossy! Again, this is not a parent/child relationship. There is nothing wrong with favors or the splitting of whatever chores that need to be performed. But when it becomes demanded is when we are drifting over into turdville.

Number Four: It’s a learning process. Changing our mindset from “Do it!’ to ‘Would you mind?’ might take some time on both your parts. Be patient with each other.

Number Five: It has got to be reciprocal. It cannot be a demand a function be done whilst you sit on the couch eating bon bons and watching soap operas. It is a symbiotic relationship. That is what marriage is.

So, practice these five steps and you can start bragging to all your friends on how to make your spouse do what you want!

Apr 18

Episode 22 Respect My Authoritah!: Putting Your Spouse in their Place

Play

lips

 

What thoughts are your first when you look at this picture?

Since our topic today is over submission and authority, this was one of my first thoughts. A woman, submitting to a man. A ‘sit down and shut up’ type scenario. Yikes! Is that how it is supposed to be? Is submission all about putting your spouse in their place?

Today we will discuss our thoughts on submission, which might surprise you.

-What is submission

-Should a wife submit to her husband?

-Should a husband submit to his wife?

These are just a tip of the iceberg of questions that we will tackle in this podcast.

Apr 12

Estomago no es bueno!

toilet bowl

 

This is about accurate when it comes to how our toilet looks right now.

Long story short, Trey came home from work early with a nasty stomach bug. Cora, our 3 year old, woke us up rather abruptly by vomiting all over us at 3am and then I completed the circle with my reign starting at about 11am. These are the days I wish we had more than one bathroom!

So, due to some still pretty crummy tummy issues, we will not be recording tonight. We will be back next week and appreciate all of you guys dropping by.

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